Healing Confinement
by lilanimegal00
Summary: Yamato is forced into a psych ward when everyone thinks he's suicidal but even though he doesn't want to kill himself he eventually learns that maybe he really does need the help that has been offered. Implied Taito. Deals with self injury.
1. Chapter 1

Healing Confinement

Yamato is forced into a psych ward when everyone thinks he's suicidal but even though he doesn't want to kill himself he eventually learns that maybe he really does need the help that has been offered. Implied Taito. Deals with self injury. Might be triggering.

Disclaimer: Do I have to? Oh ok I do not own digimon or the characters from digimon so please don't sue me since this is only a fanfic. I apologize for any grammar or spelling errors I have made since I'm still looking for a beta.

Author's Note: This is an A.U. and Matt and Tai are 17 years old and in grade 12 (American school grade wise since I'm not familiar with the way students are set up grade or year wise in Japan. Does that make any sense? Stupid lack of Sleep) I know I have two unfinished stories on here already that I'm still working on but I had to start this one as well since I felt like writing and it just came and I couldn't stop myself from working on it.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk.

I sat there on the couch looking down at the floor while the therapist, Dr. Gail I believe is what she said her name was, sat behind her desk observing me and waiting for me to say something. I looked up at her with my messy blonde hair in my face. I'm really beginning not to like not being aloud having hair gel here. Here being the hell hole better known as the Odaiba hospital's psych ward. It's a funny story on how I ended up here maybe I should tell this shrink the truth to set her straight since she probably only knows the lie that the doctors told her. The lie that everyone including my family and friends believe.

"You know I really wasn't trying to kill myself so you can just forget about all this and let me go home now." I told her.

"If you weren't trying to then why did you slit your wrist Yamato?" Dr Gail asked.

"It was an accident." I said not really wanting to say anymore than that.

"An accident? I see then. What about all those other cuts and scars were those accidents too?" She asked me. Just keep your mouth shut. Just stare at the wall. It's none of her god damn business. "If you don't talk to me then I can't help you."

"I don't need help. I fine so you're just wasting your breath lady. This all is just a waste of time. I don't belong in here so why don't you people just let me go home?" I said with the annoyance of being trapped in a place like this in my voice.

"I'm sorry you feel that way but you can't leave until you talk to me and I am sure it is safe for you to leave. So why don't we change the subject, tell me a bit about yourself Yamato." Dr. Gail said. Stupid shrink trying to get in my head well I'm not going to let her.

"Ok. I'm seventeen, go to the local high school, and I'm not suicidal. There I talked to you so can I go home now." I said smirking when she sighed but kept a calm face.

"I suppose that will be all for today. I hope when I see you tomorrow you'll be more willing to talk. I'll take you back to your room now." She said standing up. I followed suit not really wanting to go back to 'my room' but at least it was better than being forced to talk and today I was finally allowed to wear my own clothes instead of that stupid hospital gown.

After I was back safely in the dull boring room with only a bed in the middle of it and a window for the doctors and nurses to look in to check on me, Dr. Gail locked the door behind me. So I went to go sit on the bed and stare out the window watching all the people walk by like I have the last three days since I was here. I let my thoughts drift off and I thought of what everyone else at home would be doing right now. Dad would most likely be at work. He was almost always working these days and hardly at home. He probably doesn't even miss me. Takeru would be hanging out with Hikari and Daisuke while trying not to be worried sick about me. Tai would… you know what I don't care about what he is doing right now it's his fault I'm here in the first place. Stupid Tai had to walk in on me during my 'ritual'. He thought I was trying to kill myself and then freaked out and called 9-1-1 before I could even explain anything. Even if I did explain how hurting myself helps relieve and release the emotional pain he wouldn't understand it and I would still of ended up here. Stupid, stupid Tai but I still miss him. I still love him. I can't stay mad at him though. I know deep down he thought he was helping me. He was scared, worried and didn't know what else to do. I wonder if I'm aloud visitors here. I should ask someone about it at dinner. And with that I laid back and let myself dose off until dinner.

I woke to one of the nurses shaking me awake so they could take me to the cafeteria for dinner and I asked her about having visitors.

"Once the doctor feels you've made enough progress you'll be able to." She said sweetly. I thanked her then grabbed a tray of food and sat down to eat. The food was as expected from hospital food horrible and being watched as I ate it made it even worse. It was probably mostly to make sure that the people with eating disorders were eating and that people wouldn't hurt others or people like me, hurt themselves. I ate quickly so I could get out of there as fast as I could I hated being in the cafeteria even more than I hated being in the shrink's office. The nurse that walked me to dinner walked me to the restroom so I could get ready for bed; she waited outside the door, then back to my room locking the door behind me. I'm beginning to hate not having very much freedom but they told me if I make some more progress I'll be able to walk by myself and go where I want as long as I don't leave the ward. It's not like anyone could leave though since the exit is by the front desk where there is always a nurse and there are alarms that go off if you get too close to the door after visiting hours are over.

I lie down in the uncomfortable bed and found I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned for hours while letting my thoughts go wild which was a mistake to do. I thought of school, well the people at school mostly. The names the called me and the friends I lost once I came out of the closet and openly started dating my best friend Tai a year ago. Tai had been openly gay since starting high school so the names and hate didn't seem to bother him. He always had a smile on his face and didn't let things get to him easily. He is so carefree I wish I could be like him sometimes. He's so strong unlike me. I stupid and weak. I deserve every bit of pain I cause myself. If I was strong like Tai I wouldn't have got caught and sent to be in a place like this. If I was strong like Tai I wouldn't have been cutting in the first place so I wouldn't even have had something to be caught for. I'm pathetic. I need to feel pain. No I don't, not here. I can't risk getting into even more trouble. I can wait until I'm out of here and back home they can't keep me for much longer. But what happens once I get out of here do I really want to keep hurting myself? I have no choice it's the only thing that works I'll have to until I find something better but what if Tai and everyone else start watching me closer? Looks like I just got to hide things better and be more careful. I hate hiding things from Tai it hurts and it makes me want to cut even more.

"UGH this is going to be a long night." I said aloud.

After a few more hours passed I was still wide awake and my thoughts hadn't improved but seemed to do the opposite and got worse much worse. I tried to sit on the floor but after a few minutes ended up pacing the floor. My anxiety seems to be shooting threw the roof and I was starting to get the shakes. It never got this bad before which worried me and made my anxiety even worse. I force myself to sit on the floor hitting my back hard on the metal frame of the bed. It sent an almost calming effect threw my body. I did it again hitting the frame a bit harder this time but it still wasn't enough. My wrist felt like it was on fire. I knew the feeling well it was calling out for my blade. I pulled my sleeve up and looked at the ugly scars that covered my arm when an idea hit me. I started to rub my arm across the metal frame. The metal wasn't sharp so it didn't cut into my skin it was more like a burn but it almost had the same calming effect that cutting did.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" A male nurse had grabbed me and pulled me away from the bed and stopped me. I must have been too distracted to hear him enter the room. I looked up at him and noticed two other nurses behind him. "Do I need to put you in restraints?" I looked up at him in a daze. I felt numb, calm and suddenly tired.

"No sir. I'm ok." I answered barely recognizing my own voice.

"You don't seem to be ok." He said then looked at the younger blonde female nurse of the two nurses behind him and gave her a nod and she left the room.

"I am fine. You're not going to restrain me are you?" I asked coming slowly back to my senses.

"No but if I come back to check on you and find you doing something like that again I will. Deal?" He said sternly and I nodded. "Now let me look at your wrist." I held my arm up and he looked it over. "Looks like I caught you just in time no broken skin it's just a little red. Now why don't you go back to bed and try to get some sleep. If you need anything just push the buzzer by the door and either I or another nurse will come to help." After he seen me lay down in the bed he closed the door and I was alone once again but I felt better than before after 'my quick fix.' It wasn't long before I fell asleep and dreamed of seeing Tai again.


	2. Chapter 2

Healing Confinement Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Nothing has changed since the last chapter I still don't own Digimon…. This is a fanfic for the entertainment purposes of not only me but whoever happens to read this so please don't sue me.

Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up but I didn't have a lot of time during the holidays because I was busy and also have been sick. I am still looking for a beta so again I have to apologize about spelling and grammar errors but I did go back and fix some of them that I found that were in the first chapter. I also want to thank all of you that are taking the time to read this fic and my other fics it really means a lot to me. Also thanks to TheVideoGameReseacher for reviewing.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary and the last chapter this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk.

After breakfast I was being lead back to Dr. Gail's office by one of the nurses. I felt nervous because I knew she would ask me about what had happened last night but I didn't feel ready to talk about it. I felt a little better than I did but I my mind still felt like a train wreck and I still felt half asleep.

"Good morning Yamato. Why don't you have a seat?" Dr. Gail said nodding to the chair across from her after I had entered the room and closed the door behind me. "I know this is a lot earlier than the normal time we speak to each other but I thought after last night it might be best for us to talk sooner rather than later. So do you want to tell me what did happen last night?"

"Well if you moved my appointment up to an earlier time because of last night then I'm sure you already know what happened." I said coldly, building up my walls to keep her out of my head.

"I know what the nurses told me but I want to hear your side of the story so I'll know the whole story of what happened and that way I can help you." She calmly said.

"I don't need your help to get better because there is nothing wrong with me." My temper lashed out at her.

"Ok then how about you just talk to me? You can talk to me about anything you like. It doesn't have to be about what happened last night we can wait to talk about that when you feel ready to discuss it. We could talk about your hobbies or school. " Her change of subject caught me a bit off guard.

"School?" I asked not meaning to say it out loud. Why did she have to bring up my least favorite conversation subject?

"Yes you mentioned yesterday that you went to the local high school. Do you like your classes?" She asked.

"They're ok I guess. I'm passing them at least." I said picking my words carefully.

"What do you think about your teachers?" She said, continuing to push me with questions.

"I don't know. Some of them are ok." I answered with memories of being at school sitting in the classroom flooding my mind.

"Why are only some ok?" She asked. I could feel my walls start to break away because of the emotions the memories and her questions started to stir.

"I don't know." I said trying my best from keeping myself from losing control and from telling her things I might regret later.

"There has to be some reason?" She asked.

"I guess it's because they looked down on me." Don't I know how to bite my tongue?

"Why would they look down on you? There has to be a good reason. I can see that you can be a bit of a smart aleck at times but I'm sure that's just your way of trying to get me to leave you alone and you're not normally like that so that can't be the reason why." She said. I should have just sat there and stared at her the whole time like I had planned at breakfast. Oh well might as well tell her a little bit more to get her to shut up and since she's not going to drop this easily.

"It could be because their homophobic." I said hoping that would end it.

"Ah I see. It's sad that people can be so closed minded." She said her reaction was not what I was expecting.

"You… You're not freaked out about it? I was half expecting you to throw me out of your office." I said truthfully.

"Not many people accepted you after they found out you we're gay did they?" She asked.

"Yeah, how did you know? I lost a lot of friends when I came out." Why am I being so open with her? Is it the fact that she seems to accept and not judge me?

"Well you being shocked about me not freaking out gave it away. As for the friends you lost maybe they weren't really your friends to begin with if they couldn't accept you for who you are but I'm sure you still have some amazing friends that still care and are there for you." She said.

"How would you know?" I said trying to figure out how much of my life story she already knew about.

"The boy that was with you and called for the ambulance the night you were brought here he must care a lot for you. He calls every day to ask how you're doing." She said.

"Tai calls?" I asked and she nodded her head. "I thought he'd hate and feel disgusted by me after he found me like that. I was sure he'd break up with me and I'd lose him." I said I really need to stop talking now. She must be either really good at her job or knows how to control minds because only Tai has been able to get me to open up this much.

"Well it looks like you have found an amazing guy. I'm happy that you talked to me today and hope you will tomorrow as well. Some of the doctors and I were considering putting you under a twenty-four hour guard because of last night but after talking to you I don't think that will be necessary. I would like you to consider maybe going to the group therapy session it might help you to become more comfortable opening up to people but you don't have to make the decision right away. It looks like we're out of time for today so I'll see you tomorrow." She said leading me to the door so she could take me back to my room. I quietly followed her back letting the entire conversation replay over and over in my head.


	3. Chapter 3

Healing Confinement Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I hate to say it but sadly I still do not own Digimon if I did I'd be taking a vacation on the beach somewhere in the digital world.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary and the other chapters this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk.

Almost a week had passed since I had opened up to Dr. Gail and I still felt like beating myself up for talking to her but yet I felt a little better knowing that she didn't see me as some kind of freak like I was sure everyone at home viewed me as and because of that I had taken to calling her as Dr. Gail than just calling her my shrink when I thought about her. I didn't really want to talk to her again or go to group where I'd have to talk about how I feel in front of strangers. I knew Dr. Gail wasn't going to give me a choice in the matter especially after I told her I would go. I had made up my mind yesterday but I was still not completely sure I wanted to go.

I only had till after lunch to mentally prepare myself for being around other people. I know if I ever wanted to get out of here and see Tai again I had to talk. Being around people made me nervous. Okay so maybe nervous wasn't really a strong enough word to describe the feeling it was more like intense anxiety. I felt like they were constantly judging me and that I was never up to their standards. I tried to pretend that I didn't care what they thought but everything they said or didn't say got to me and that's why I hated sitting here eating lunch being surrounded by people and why I wasn't looking forward to group.

I was sitting at the table alone once again eating quickly in silence. I kept my eyes on my food and didn't dare to look up. I was afraid that if I looked up I'd find everyone staring pointing and whispering about me even though I knew the idea was kind of stupid. No one knew me here and they all had their own problems to deal with so why should they even pay any attention to me?

"Excuse me do you mind if I sit here?" A small voice said interrupting me from my thoughts. I looked up to see a girl with dark hair that looked to be about my age. She looked tired and fragile kind of like a sick porcelain doll that was much too skinny. She pointed to a chair a few chairs down from mine on the opposite side of the table. I nodded my head and she sat down. She was the first patient to say anything to me since I've arrived here. I don't know why I said yes maybe out of politeness but she didn't say another word to me and sat there playing with her food for a long while before taking a small bite then while she chewed the food she twirled her fork around in her fingers quite a few times then took another bite and twirled her fork some more. It was like a ritual of sorts and from the look of concentration on her face as she watched her fork intensely it was a very important ritual to her. Not wanting to intrude on something that seemed so private I stopped watching her and went back to staring at my own plate.

"Minako lunch is almost over and you barely cleared a quarter of you plate. If you keep this up you'll end up on a feeding tube again and you don't want that do you?" I looked up to see one of the nurses talking to the dark haired girl.

"Of course I don't want that but you can't expect me to magically be able to eat a whole plate of food this soon and do I really have to eat the chicken? I told the doctors when I came here that I was a vegetarian." Minako's voice was soft and pleading. The poor girl looked like she was close to tears.

"I'm sorry but you have to eat it you body needs the protein. If you have a problem with it you can take it up with your doctor at your next weigh in. I'm sorry but I can't bend the rules." The nurse said then continued to walk her rounds through the rest of the cafeteria. Minako sat there for a while and stared at her plate then poked the chicken a few times with her fork. It was easy to tell that she was holding back tears. I went back to my own plate and finished eating the last few bites then stood up and took my dishes and put them on a belt that took them back to the kitchen to be washed. After the nurse that was to escort me to group arrived, I took one last look at Minako, who had taken up her ritual of spinning her fork between bites once more, before I followed the nurse in to the hallway.

She led me to a big room that looked similar to a living room. It had two big couches and a few comfy looking chairs. Dr. Gail was already sitting in one of the chairs and it looked as if I was the first patient to arrive. I didn't really want to be the first one but then I didn't want to be the last one either but I guess I'd rather be first than last. When you're the last one in a room people tend to stare at you the most it seems.

"We still have a few minutes until lunch is fully over and everyone else gets here. So how are you Yamato?" Dr. Gail asked.

"I'm fine" I answered not really feeling up to talking mostly because of nerves. So we sat like that in silence for a little while until people started to come in.


	4. Chapter 4

Healing Confinement Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I'll say it again, no matter how painful it is, I do not own digimon and most likely never will and is it really necessary for me to say it over and over again?

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary and the other chapters this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk.

Author's note: I know it's been awhile since I last updated but I had a bit of writer's block and have been dealing with some personal stuff and sadly now I no longer have a computer again so I have to use my mom's. I just can't seem to get a break.

I sat there wondering why I'd ever agreed to this but it was too late now. I was sitting on a chair in the farthest corner from the door. Dr. Gail tried to make light conversation while we waited for the others but gave up after I didn't respond back. I wonder if she knows just how nervous and uncomfortable I am right now maybe talking was her way to try to lighten the mood. I looked up when I heard the door opened. A woman with red hair that looked like she was in her mid twenties came in and took a seat on one of the couches. She looked me over for a minute or two before turning her attention to Dr. Gail and they shared some small talk about how their day was going and the weather. I didn't pay much attention and started to zone out again before the door opened once more.

Three boys entered the first two seemed like they were good friends but the last one who had dark hair and looked to be a year or two younger than the others. He looked like he was trying to keep his distance and the look on his face made me think that he wanted to be here just a much as I wanted to. The first two boys sat on the other couch across from the red headed lady but the other boy sat in the other chair away from everyone and stared out the window.

"Hi, you must be new here. I'm Hikaru and this is Kyou." The taller boy spoke and I realized he was talking to me. He had strawberry blond hair and his eyes were dark blue but they looked tired. The boy next to him, Kyou, had messy shoulder length brown hair he quietly smiled at me. I think they were waiting for me to say something but luckily the door opened once more so I didn't have to say anything.

A tiny blonde girl walked in she didn't look much older than me and took a seat next to the red headed lady.

"The nurse said Minako isn't going to be joining us today something about having a hard time getting her to finish lunch. I guess she's claiming to be a vegetarian this time since the fake peanut allergy didn't work last time." The blonde said bluntly.

"Aya you know she's having a hard time adjusting so cut her some slack and I know it tends to be difficult for you but try to show a little respect for others. Try to think what it might be like if you were in her shoes." Dr. Gail gently reprimanded and then continued, turning the attention to me. "Before we get ahead of ourselves I'd like to introduce the newest addition to our little group. This is Yamato. Why don't we all go around the room and introduce ourselves to make him feel more welcomed." Everyone's eyes were now all on me. I dropped my gaze to the floor and felt panic begin to build up inside my chest. "Who would like to start? How about you Hitomi?" She asked.

"I'm Hitomi. I'm 26 and I'm here because I'm an alcoholic and I tried to take a whole bottle of aspirin and drown it with a bottle vodka about seven months ago. Luckily my husband came home from work early that day he found me passed out on the bathroom floor. I'm not sure what was really going on in my head at the moment when I thought that doing that was a good idea but I'm glad he got there in time." The red headed lady said her story left me speechless. She didn't look like what I'd picture an alcoholic as. She didn't even look like she would be someone who was depressed or suicidal. She looked like a strong and confident business woman.

"I'll go next." Hikaru said Dr. Gail nodded and he started his introduction. "I'm Hikaru. I'm 22 and I am an anorexic with bulimic tendencies. I use food as a way of coping with the stress in my life. It started the day when my dad walked out on my mom, my sister, and I. I guess I just didn't know how to deal with the rapid changes that were happening in my life."

I was surprised to hear that boys can get eating disorders too since mostly you only really hear about it happening to girls but I understood with what Hikaru went though since I went though something similar when my mom left taking Takeru with her she left because of me, because of who I am. It made me feel worthless and I didn't know how to cope with it.

"Kyou why don't you go next?" Dr. Gail said to the boy sitting next to Hikaru.

"I'm Kyou. I'm 19 and I suffer from schizophrenia." He said quietly. He looked kind of nervous and tried to hide behind Hikaru. Dr. Gail didn't force him to say anymore and told Aya to go next.

"I'm Aya. I'm 19. I'm a drug addict. I ended up overdosing and next thing I know I'm here. I don't have a tragic past that I'm trying to escape or don't know how to cope with life, I just like drugs. So after we get out of here come look me up and we'll party." Aya said with a smirk and winking at me.

"Shinichi why don't you go next." Dr. Gail told the dark haired boy in the corner while giving Aya a disapproving mother-like glare.

"I'm Shin. I'm 18. I tried to kill myself." Shin said in a monotone and then went back to staring out the window.

"Yamato why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? No one is forcing you to say anything though so it's ok if you don't feel ready to talk." Dr Gail said.

I felt my chest tighten and I felt sick. I took three deep breaths and after I was sure I wouldn't lose my lunch when I opened my mouth, I spoke. "I'm Yamato. I'm 17 and I hurt myself. I'm here because my boyfriend walked in on me cutting and thought I was trying to kill myself but I'm not suicidal. I cut because it's how I cope with everything." I didn't want to talk to these strangers about my problems but I had to make sure they knew that I didn't try to kill myself. I was so tired of everyone thinking that.

"Boyfriend?" Aya questioned. "Figures all the cute ones are either taken or gay." Everyone giggled at that statement but Shin, who still had his focus on whatever was outside the widow, and I found myself smiling at her comment. The tension I had been feeling started to fade a bit. I started to think that maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

There was a knock on the door which startled everyone in the room. Dr. Gail got up and answered it. I couldn't see a face but I could see that who ever it was had on nurse uniform. The nurse quietly talked to Dr. Gail so the rest of us in the room couldn't hear. After a few minutes Dr. Gail turned to face us.

"I'm sorry but we're going to have to cut our time short today because I have an emergency to deal with. This nurse will take those that need an escort back to their rooms. I'll see you guys later." And with that she disappeared though the door leaving us all speechless.


	5. Chapter 5

Healing Confinement Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'll say it once again, no I do not own Digimon... you'd think I'd only have to say this once.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary and the other chapters this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk

Author's note: It's been over a year since I last updated this story and I am sorry for that but I had a lot going on. I got married, had a baby girl, and moved. Things have been busy and crazy since I last updated but I'm still working on this fic even if it's going really slow. I thank all of you that have been patient with me while I have been on hiatus and also welcome any new readers. And now on to chapter 5!

* * *

I made my way through the cafeteria with my dinner tray and Aya caught my eye and waved me over to her table where she was sitting with Hikaru and Kyou.

"Why don't you eat dinner with us, Blondie?" Aya said pulling the chair next to her out for me. "I was just telling these guys about what I over heard the nurses talking about?" I sat down without a word and let her continue with her story even though I wasn't interested in the gossip I admit it was nice to have someone to sit with.

"You know how Dr. Gail had to leave early and how Minako wasn't in group right well I guess the nurse after lunch took her to her room and she had somehow got a hold of a shoe string and tried to off herself. They're still trying to figure out how she got it without anyone knowing. I know why she did it though because she couldn't cope with her sister's death." Aya said.

"Well of course she's having trouble. It was her twin sister and it's been only two weeks since she died." Hikaru told her.

"You'd think she'd want to do everything to try to recover and stop starving herself after her sister just died because of complications from anorexia." Aya said. Hikaru didn't say anything more and everyone sat in silence for a while until Aya turned to me. "So how are you liking your stay here so far? I bet you're missing your boyfriend like crazy, What's his name? What is he like? Is he cute like you?" She asked without giving me time to answer in between the questions.

"uh..." I didn't know how to begin. "His name is Tai and yeah I do miss him." I answered.

"Aya don't bombard him with a million questions give him time to get to know us and get use to us before you ask him to tell his life's story." Hikaru said it seemed like he gets annoyed with Aya's hyper personality easily.

"Geez Hikaru lighten up will you I'm just trying to be friendly." Aya retorted.

"You're probably scaring him just like you scare all the new people that come here."Hikaru said.

"Don't worry about it there's no need to get in an argument about me. But since I'm finished eating I'm going to go back to my room and heading for bed." I said quickly to stop the fight.

"See you tomorrow at breakfast!" Aya said after I had stood up.

"See you scared him away." I heard Hikaru say as I walked away.

"I did not." Aya answered.

As I walked to the door to find a nurse to walk me back a nurse found me. "Yamato Ishida?"

"Yes." I answered.

"You have a phone call." She told me. I never expected anyone to call me here. I hoped that it was Tai but deep down something told me that it wasn't and that Tai wouldn't want to talk to me for long awhile. She led me to the nurses' station and handed me the phone. I took a deep breath before speaking.

"Hello?" I spoke my voice shaking a little.

"Yama?" A small recognizable unsure voice asked.

"It's me, Takeru. It's nice to hear your voice again." I told my little brother. It wasn't Tai but I was still glad to hear from my brother. Just hearing his voice made me miss home even more.

"How have you been? I've been worried about you Yama." It sounded like Takeru was holding back tears.

"I've been doing okay and don't worry they've been taking good care of me here." I tried to reassure him.

"Mom was talking to Dad and they're both frantic. They're talking about sending you to an out patient group once you can come back home. Dad was even talking about taking some time off work." Takeru said.

"Dad taking time off now that's hard to believe. I'm fine T.K. they're just getting worked up over nothing. I'll be home before you know it and everything will be back to normal and then we'll go see a movie or something." I told him after all there was no reason to get all worked up and I was sure they were going to let me go home soon.

"Yama you're not fine! You almost died! The doctor's said if Tai didn't find you when he did you would be dead right now." Takeru was close to hysterics.

"But I didn't die, I'm fine. I wasn't trying to kill myself like everyone thinks I did." I told him.

"Even if you weren't trying you almost did and hurting your self isn't any better!What if you do it again and next time no one finds you in time? I couldn't imagine what it'd be like if I were to lose you Yama and I don't want to have to." I could tell he was crying and I didn't know what to say to fix things I don't think there was anything thing that could be said that would make everything go back to normal after this.

"I have to go T.K. I'll be home before you know it and everything will be like this never happened." I tried to reassure him and myself but I knew neither one of us believed it. After saying good bye and hanging up I went to my room and attempted to get some sleep but only managed to toss and turn all night with the guilt of always hurting the ones I love keeping me awake.


	6. Chapter 6

Healing Confinement Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I Don't own Digimon.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary and the other chapters this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk

Author's note: Things have been really busy lately and I haven't had much time to write and also haven't had internet for awhile so I apologies for taking so long to update. Might be awhile before the next chapter is up too hopefully not as long as it took this time but I can only do so much when I have a teething baby and trying to get ready to move again.

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Once again I was sitting across from Dr. Gail and since the session started I have sat in silence. After the phone call with my brother I just didn't feel like talking to anyone, infact if I had the choice I wouldn't of even got out of bed. I felt like I had only got an hour of sleep and could use a few pots of strong coffee. It was bad enough that I was sure Tai was never going to talk to me again and now I probably wouldn't hear from T.K. for a really long time. I know they both hated me and I deserved it for hurting them.

"You've been doing so well lately but as I've told you before I can't help you if you don't talk to me Yamato. I heard you got a phone call yesterday do you want to talk about that?" Dr. Gail said.

"Not really." I told her.

"Yamato it'd help to talk about it but maybe we could try to talk about it another day when you're ready. Well then I guess that's it for today I'll see you tomorrow at group." She sighed. We both stood up and she led me to the rec room even though I was now aloud to walk without an escort.

"Yama!" Aya yelled and about tackled me as soon as she seen me walk in the room. Now I really wished I had stayed in bed today I wasn't in the mood to deal with her high levels of energy at the moment. "Come watch t.v. with us." She dragged me toward the couch where a few other patients that I didn't know where sitting.

"Thanks but I think I'd rather just sit and read for a bit it's been kind of a long couple of days." I tried to politely turn down the offer.

"You sure? That sounds kinda boring. Well if you change your mind you're more than welcome to come join us." She said then walked back over to the couch while I made my way over to a quiet corner where a book shelf sat away from where everyone else was gathered in the room. I watched them from where I sat, they looked happy, like any other normal teenagers watching t.v. and hanging out not like they belonged in a crazy house. It made me wonder if I looked as normal as them but quickly decided that I couldn't possibly not while I had my pain written as scars over my body and had to wear long sleeves to hide them even in the ridiculous heat of summer. When they get out of here they could go about their lives like there was never anything wrong with them but I still had to live with my scars. Maybe I really did belong here.

I really wish I could see Tai, just to be able to hear his voice would make being here a little more bearable. I felt like crying and tried concentrating on a book to take my mind off everything but by the time my free time in the rec room was over I didn't get much reading done. I felt lost walking down the hall to lunch and with my mind on Tai I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and ran into someone knocking them over.

"Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going." I offered my hand to help them up only to find that it was Minako.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." She said taking my hand. She felt unbelievably light as I helped her to her feet. I also noticed she looked even more thinner and sickly then the last time I had seen her. I remembered all the things Aya and the others had said about this girl barely standing before me. All the pain that she had been though and is going though was nothing compared to mine, It made me feel like my problems were insignificant.

"You sure you're ok?" I asked worried because she looked so fragile.

"Yeah I'm fine... I have to get going before the nurse notices that I'm gone." She quickly glanced around as if looking to make sure the coast was clear as if she wasn't suppose to be there and she probably wasn't since I was sure she was supposed to be escorted when out of her room after everything that had happened.

"I'll see you around then I guess." I said

"Uh yeah." She said then started to walk away. I continued along my way doubting myself and the significance of my problems while also letting my mind wonder back to thinking about Tai.


	7. Chapter 7

Healing Confinement Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I still don't own Digimon and I don't expect that to change anytime soon.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary and the other chapters this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk.

Author's Note: Yes I'm still working on this story and I know it's slowly coming along. So I'd like to thank the readers that have stuck with me this long. I apologize once again for the slow upload. I don't have a lot of time to sit and write much since, if you have read in the previous chapters, life is very busy for me now but I do write every chance I get. On top of being busy being a mommy I've also have been working on some of my original stories which you can find on my fictionpress account which the link to that is in my profile. I do plan on finishing this story since I enjoy working on it and I'm excited as you guys are to find out how it ends so please bear with me.

A few weeks had went by since I ran into Minako in the hallway and she had started coming to group once more. She never spoke a word in there but I can't say I blame her because neither did I. I barely even spoke to Dr. Gail in our private therapy sessions which I happened to be in one right now. The only people I really wanted to speak to was Tai and my brother. I wanted to reassure them that everything would be fine and to apologize for hurting them but it'd mean nothing if I'd hurt myself again.

"Visitation day is tomorrow, do you have anyone coming to visit?" Dr. Gail asked. Visitation day? I heard everyone talking about it for the last few days but never really thought anything of it till now.

"I don't know." I told Dr. Gail before I could bite my tongue. I hadn't talked to anyone from the outside world since the phone call with T.K. I knew after that phone call he wouldn't come and I don't think he'd be able to hold himself together after actually seeing me here with his own eyes. I don't think I'd be able to hold it together either. I wasn't sure about my parents but I was sure none of my friends would come... that is if I had any left anymore. I was sure by now everyone heard that I was in the nut house and they would want nothing more to do with me. And as for Tai showing up, that was hoping for the impossible.

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see but I'm sure someone will come." She tried to look cheerful.

"Maybe." I answered and then we fell into silence until it was time to leave. The rest of the day was uneventful until dinner. I sat with Aya, Hikaru, and Kyuo like I usually did.

"So you're pretty good when it comes to fashion sense right?" Aya blurted out at me.

"What? uh... not really why?" She had taken me off guard.

"Well because you're gay and aren't gay guys good at that and decorating and stuff?" Hikaru gave her a dirty look but didn't say anything.

"Well I guess that's just a stereotype last time I checked not all of us are like that. Take Tai for example he's horrible when it comes to decorating and matching clothes together and he's really into sports. No one even had a clue that he was gay until he came out." I told her remembering the time Tai asked me for help when he was picking out a suit for the homecoming dance. He picked out a Tie and shirt that even the most straight guy could tell clashed.

"You must really love him, every time you talk about him you just light up and get this silly grin on your face." Aya said causing me to blush. "Is he coming tomorrow?"

"Probably not. And I wouldn't blame him if he didn't." I said with the reality of never seeing him again sinking me into a deeper bout of depression.

"What do you mean? I'm sure he's missing you just as much as you're missing him!" Aya stood up and shouted at me causing people around us to stare.

"After everything that had happen... I still haven't heard from him since he found me that day." I felt like I was on the verge of tears.

"Yama... I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring up painful memories. Sometimes I don't think before I speak. But I'm sure things will work out maybe he just needs time to work everything out about what happened just like you do." Aya said seeming like a whole different person and taking her seat again. Hikaru and Kyou looked at me with sympathetic eyes and nodded in agreement. I tried to give her a smile to try to make her believe that her words made me feel better but after not smiling for such a long time it felt weird. "You'll see Yama trust me." She said with a big smile. I don't know how she could always be so up beat and optimistic all the time just being in the same room with her wore me out.

We finished the last bit of our dinner and made our way to our own rooms to turn in for the night. I once again couldn't sleep and spent the night staring at the ceiling. Maybe I should talk to the doctors about getting something to help me sleep. I'm not sure how many more nights of hardly any sleep that my body can take and I know it isn't helping my appearance any, which made me grateful that there were no mirrors in this place.


	8. Chapter 8

Healing Confinement Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Still do not have ownership of Digimon... and never will.

Warning: In case you missed it in the summary and the other chapters this deals with self injury and might be triggering. If you are easily triggered you might want to click that "x" at the top right corner of the screen. You have been warned so read at your own risk.

Author's Note: Yay another update finally! I know it's been a long while please don't hate me! I've been dealing with things and busy with life, so I've had little to no time to write and the little free time I have had which really isn't a lot has been used playing video games (minecraft is addicting) and reading. But I hope you enjoy this update and I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my fanfic it really means a lot to me.

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I nervously paced back and forth in my room waiting to see if anyone would be visiting. A nurse was suppose to bring them to meet me in my room if anyone showed up. I don't know why I was so nervous, I was sure no one would show up but I had woken up with the feeling that something big was going to happen today.

A light knock at my door startled me and stopped me in my tracks. So someone actually did show up.

"Yama?" The familiar voice on the other side of the door asked causing my face to loose color. No, not him... anyone but him... I wasn't ready to face him yet. But ready or not the door slowly opened. Tai stood there looking as he always did with his messy mop of brown hair going every which way and his chocolate brown eyes. He looked unsure if he wanted to take another step or not. He eventually took a few more steps in and the nurse went to go about her day leaving us standing alone in an awkward silence staring at each other. After a few more moments it was Tai that finally spoke.

"Your mom, and dad are here too. They're talking to your doctor now. They'll come see you in a little bit." Tai said I just remained silent not able to find my voice. "T.K. sends his love and wanted me to let you know he misses you... we all miss you." He said lowering his gaze to his feet. He was holding back tears. Here I was about to make someone else I care about cry.

I finally found the strength to move and walked the few steps left between Tai and I, pulling him into an embrace. I no longer wanted to be the reason that made Tai and T.K. cry. I was going to get better and I was going to get out of here. I had to be strong for them both.

"I'm going to get out of here and things are going to go back to being ok again... no better than ok, you'll see. I love you, Tai and I don't ever want to hurt you again." He looked up at me and pulled me into a kiss that seemed to make time stop around us. We only finally pulled apart to catch our breath.

"You really scared me you know?" Tai put on a serious face.

"I know and I'm an idiot, but I swear I wasn't trying to kill myself."

"Then why did you do it?"  
"It was a way to deal with and cope my problems... and don't even say it I know it was stupid, Tai. I just cut too deep that night but I swear I wasn't trying to kill myself."

"But if things were that bad then why didn't you come to me I could have done more..."

"Tai, it isn't you're fault, don't blame yourself. I'm the only one to blame, I made the choice to deal with my problems that way but lets put that all behind us and work together to avoid having to walk down this road again. That's why I'm here right? To get better and learn better ways to cope with my problems? So no more with the what if's or what could have been. What's done is done and we can't change it."

"Yama... I know you're still upset that I found you that night because you got sent here, and I know you probably hate it but it really is for the best. Just listen to you, you sound like a whole new Yama."

"I know it was Tai... thank you. You finding me that night gave me a new chance at life even if I have to stay at this hell hole for a while. But even after I leave here I can't promise everything will be completely better."

"I know but I'll be right here next to you to help you get through this and so will everyone else. You have family and friends who are standing by your side. Just promise me next time come to me or at least someone first before it gets so bad."

"I promise." And with that he smiles and pulls me into another kiss.

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epilogue

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The sun felt amazing hitting my face for the first time in months. I was finally free... well almost anyways. I still had to come see Dr. Gail every week but I was aloud to go home. Tai and T.K. both came with my dad to pick me up and neither one of them left my side till we got to the car. Both of them chatted away about how excited they were for me to finally be home again and about everything them and our other friends had been up to while I was gone. It was a long drive and I soon dozed off listening to them.

"Hey sleepy head wake up or do I have to carry you in bridal style?" Tai said opening my car door.

"I'm up, you don't have to carry me." I said stretching.

"But what if I wanted to." Tai said while grabbing my hand and helped me out of the car.

"Maybe on our wedding day I'll think about it."

"Awe Yama, no fair I wanted to now." Tai gave me a fake pout.

"You guys hurry up and get in here you need to help me talk Dad into ordering a pizza." T.K. said poking his head back out the door.

"Why's that?" Tai asked him

"Because he's talking about cooking." T.K. says before going back inside. Tai and I give each other a worried look knowing exactly what happens every time my dad has tried to cook, then quickly follow T.K. into the house to help stop him. 'Everything is going to be okay, even if the road ahead isn't going to be easy,' I think to myself before closing the front door.


End file.
